The Reluctant Whore

TMZ reported that Candy Spelling went to the Bellagio Casino in Las Vegas and was playing the slots and won $200,000. She’s already worth 600 million dollars but she won 200K. What fascinates me about her is that she has all this money and yet she’s never really done anything besides a half assed attempt at offering people advice through TMZ.com. She was doing that until she offered a bit of advice to Joe Francis who then slapped her down for not minding her own business. Plus, who the hell plays the slots? Ugh. How vile. She’s really just a little old lady who passes the time blocking out reality by playing the slots. Except she’ll never really run out of money.

I was wandering down the street the other day and wondered what had happened to old Candy Spelling but then I realized her disappearance was a probably spurred on by a combination of realizing that fluttering off pearls of unsolicited advice to people was eventually going to feel like real work and also, being slapped down by someone like Joe Francis was probably slightly embarrassing.

Still, my main question here is, if she has all that money, why on EARTH doesn’t she get that Clockwork Orange eye fixed. JESUS, she always has this look where she’s dripping in jewels and satin and her hair is inexplicably blond and shiny and smooth and then BANG one eye is scrunched up and the other is wide open. It looks like she’s really stressed out on one side of her head. Gosh, Candy, why don’t you just take my advice and find yourself a quality Madison Avenue surgeon and even out the eye situation. Tell the doctor you want to calm the left and perk up the right. You could come to New York, get the surge, convalesce at some massively expensive hotel for a month and you wouldn’t even have to start to tap into that 600 mill you’ve got sitting there. You could use your winnings and it would give you something to do.

Rich women are always looking for something to do and surge is often the perfect answer. It’s expensive, its time consuming, it requires medication, the end results are usually about what they look like and it’s narcissistically indulgent. Every box seems to be checked!
Or, you know, you could give it to someone who needs it. [source]