The Reluctant Whore

Rush and Molloy’s Side Dish reports that the relentless spending continues when it comes to Brangelina’s new nursery. According to the Daily News, they’ve bought several new items of furniture and chandeliers and toys and other expensive crap that has cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars. We’re talking about pink chandeliers and those mothers don’t come cheap. E! News are doubting the authenticity of the reports but who the hell cares what E! News thinks. Brangelina are the new Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. I don’t even care if it’s true – I just need more information.

Here’s what they’re buying:

For starters, it’s a $140,000 nursery. In it they’ve put organza bassinets ($800), Versailles-style cribs ($3,200) with matching changing tables ($2,800), armoires ($4,500) and silk gliders. They even installed two pink crystal chandeliers for the girls at a cost of $899 each.

I don’t have time to tally that up but it sure is a lot of money. But apart from my ongoing anxiety that they’re spending money in an ill-conceived manner – my favourite part of this story is actually that some ludicrous douchebags from Dubai have requested an identical copy of the Brangelina nursery extravaganza. Who does that? Who reads about a nursery in the gossip press and then just says, “ I’ll have what they’re having…”?

It seems so lame. Hi, I am having kids but I don’t have any sense of personal interest in them so I’m going to have some distant movie stars decided the environment in which they’ll grow up.

The father is probably a rich, fat, eternally flushed business man who works in construction in Dubai and the mother is a stay at home mother whose job is to stay thin and sexually attractive to her porcine beast of a husband. She wasn’t always wealthy, she married into the money and now, after 5 years of marriage and access to a large fortune she’s starting to learn to feel entitled and used to the lifestyle in the desert. You can have servants in Dubai I’m pretty sure. She likes that because she can pretend she’s a queen. Sometimes she calls her friends back in East London while she's drunk and inevitably alone (except for the non English speaking servants) and tells them about how great her life is but whenever she hangs up she starts to cry until the vicodin kicks in. When she’s not sleeping or passed out from the vicodin and gin she spends her time deciding what color she she wants to have her hideous dragon nails painted and her local friends are rancid and I hate her but I’d stare and marvel at how much she embodies my idea of disgusting and I’d talk to her for a bit to see how far she takes it and how much I can stomach.

In short, Brangelina are preparing ye the way for the Twins of the Covenant by spending more money that it would take to end world hunger and someone in Dubai wants to copy them because they have nothing else to do. [source] [source]