The Reluctant Whore

Right, this story broke last week but I missed it somehow, and am sort of in shock that no one managed to mention it to me once all weekend, Clay friggin’ Aiken has artificially inseminated a 50 year old woman and she’s due in like August. Are you JESUS CHRISTING KIDDING ME? Just as an aside, look at those "come hither" eyes in the photo above. How anyone could avoid him is insane...oh Jesus. I just threw up my lunch. That's 10 bucks down the drain.

I really thought there was no way in mothering lesbian hell that Clay Aiken could become more unnervingly nauseating, freakishly soulless and just generally repellant and yet, here we are with knowledge of his spawn.

Oh GOD. This is so weird!

Ok, so he got his “best friend” and manager, 50 year old Jaymes Foster pregnant through artificial insemination back in what must have been January. Now she’s due in August. We’re only finding out now?! Why was this kept secret? It’s all FOR publicity – why hasn’t there BEEN any?

Firstly, of course his “best friend” is his manager. He’s just like Celine Dion. He’s a mainstream singing product who is so obsessed with his work and career that the only person he COULD be friends with is someone intrinsically connected to that. Secondly, my GOD, why does he need a kid? He’s such a weird, controlling selectively asexual freak. Why is it a good idea to put a child in front of that kind of thing?

Although, I do have to admit – in some ways it’s actually genius. This is a strange and interesting thing to do for his public image but if you examine what the hell is going on it makes nauseating, vomitous sense. Clay Aiken can never come out because his main demographic are emotionally freaked out young women and middle aged suburban mothers who are starved of culture enough to marvel at his voice and choice of repertoire and who consider him sexually unthreatening and therefore someone they can be safely obsessed with because there’s no chance of rape. There’s a chance of rape with these women at every turn, you see.

He will never end up actually dating one of these women or, a woman at all or, in fact, ANY person the way he’s going but with a kid to a 50 year old woman he’ll be able to constantly appear in photographs with Jaymes looking as though there’s a natural, human energetic synthesis between them. Clay Aiken the father, the doting, accessible, human father and his 50 year old parenting partner.

He’s creating the physical embodiment of the secret fantasy of probably every one of his fans by having a kid with a middle aged woman only this way he doesn’t have to go through the weird, anxiety riddled performance of actually having sex with one to get there. See, this is sort of similar to what Tom Cruise has done but not exactly the same. They have their own business needs so the whole kid/wife/family image has to be tailored differently.

Clay Aiken and Tom Cruise do share the same demographic though, I’d say. Maybe they could hook up. Maybe they already are in my head. How sensual and appetizing. [source]