The Reluctant Whore

Week # 52 in Review

This week is stunted because I was away over Christmas. It's still got the basic rundown though.

In the week that contained both Christmas and the final Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday of 2007, Popstar Britney Spears apparently refused to allow her two boys to open presents given to them by their grandparents and she was escorted out of the Beverly Hills Four Seasons Hotel’s Presidential Suite for being too disruptive while liaising with a member of the paparazzi. Speculation continued that 18 year old Casey Aldridge may not actually be the father of 16 year old Nickelodeon actress Jamie Lynn Spears’s child as rumours circulated that the father is actually a much older man who works as an executive at Nickelodeon.

Hilton Hotels tycoon and the grandfather of reality TV show character and former zeitgeist Paris Hilton, Conrad Hilton announced that 97% of his money would be put into a trust when he dies rather than left to his grandchildren leaving Paris Hilton with no claim to her famous inheritance and actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took their family to McDonalds for Christmas dinner.

Gay porn producer Michael Lucas publicly offered The Hills character Spencer Pratt a part in a gay porn film, The Olsen Twins responded to the aggressive character attacks they received as a result of PETA’s “The Trollsens” campaign by saying that they would like to make it up to PETA for wearing fur, pop star Jessica Simpson’s film “Blonde Ambition” which also stars actor Luke Wilson took in 1200 dollars in total over its opening weekend in 8 cinemas and pop star Cher and her daughter Chastity Bono were shopping around an idea for their own reality show not unlike “The Osbournes” for which they promised there would be entertaining amounts of fighting.

Spice Girl Victoria Beckham had tens of thousands of dollars worth of shoes and jewelry stolen from her dressing room along with Spice Girls costumes while performing in Germany, actor Will Smith was attacked by the Jewish community for stating that Hitler probably didn’t think he was doing anything wrong after which he clarified his point and they accepted it, actor Josh Duhamel and former Black Eyed Peas lead singer Fergie announced their engagement and actresses Mischa Barton and Rebecca deMornay were arrested for DUI.

In the United States two brothers handed out 100 dollar bills to random people at Christmas in a shopping center on Long Island and a New York City doorman was awarded just over 6 million dollars for slipping over on a pile of pigeon excrement on his way home from work. He was originally awarded 7.67 million dollars but 20% of the original amount was deducted because he was deemed to be 20% responsible for his fall.

In the UK, Queen Elizabeth II’s Christmas message for 2007 was uploaded for the first time, to the Royal Family’s youtube page while in Germany sales of beer were at an all time low at just 112.5 liters per person for 2007, and thanks to the assistance of a list of public figures and politicians the winner of the Miss France beauty pageant was allowed to keep her crown after she won it and nude pictures of her lying in a crucifix position were published by a magazine; breaking the rules.

In Asia, a shipment of sex dolls that were destined to be used in a PETA campaign against animal cruelty were seized by customs officials in the Philippines and not allowed to reach their destination; the dolls were meant to form part of a protest against KFC, in Japan the Hello Kitty brand is now to be marketed towards men and it was revealed that 70% of Japanese prisoners surveyed felt they deserved more room in their cells, better food and nice pyjamas.

In Australasia, an Australian man got stuck in a brick chimney on Christmas and had to be blasted out using explosives. He was not charged at the time the news report was filed and a New Zealand woman who had noticed an unpleasant smell in her house on Christmas Day found that it was coming from a dead mouse that had been trapped in her Christmas cracker.

“It ruined my appetite for the rest of the day,” she said.