The Reluctant Whore

Paris Hilton’s new ad campaign for Rich Prosecco in a can has come out and it features her completely naked, covered in gold and hanging out in some kind of desert. Yeah, I guess it’s a desert.

Fox quotes Paris Hilton as saying:

"I changed all the light bulbs to energy safe light bulbs and I'm buying a hybrid car right now," Hilton said, adding that she also turned off the lights at home, didn't leave the TV on or the water running when she left the home. "Little things that people can do every day to make a huge difference."

This is in the same article. So, I guess now we can all sleep at night knowing that when Paris goes out at night she doesn’t leave the bath, kitchen sink and hose running. How novel and important.

But anyway, the interesting thing about Paris Hilton as the spokesperson of choice for Prosecco is that she’s sort of like the cultural human equivalent of Prosecco in America. In my experience, more often than not, Americans don’t know the difference between Champagne and Prosecco – it gets called Champagne all the time – like say, in the lede paragraph for the Fox News article linked as a source to this post.

Champagne is drier than Prosecco and it’s made in France only. If it isn’t made in France, it isn’t Champagne. Prosecco is a sweeter, lighter Italian wine and it can be made anywhere. Sort of like Paris herself. She’s the cultural equivalent of the toxic corn syrup that laces everything cheap in America, she’s totally light on talent and substance and she’s easily consumed as a pop culture item anywhere in America. There’s nothing exclusive or illustrious about her. Plus, the added bonus that this Prosecco comes in cans is even more apt. Canned wine is even worse than boxed wine let alone a cheaper, lower quality equivalent to Champagne that comes in a can.
After all, Paris is the cheaper, lower quality equivalent to actual news.

Oh, how delightfully wicked and literary I’m feeling at the moment. It must be all the vitamin B in these Emergenc-C sachets I’m guzzling in my water. Up next, I’ll be getting out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini. [source]