And while we’re talking about the pure rancidity of the New York Post, here’s a gorgeous item about going through celebrity garbage on the streets in Greenwich Village.

Apparently, some freak has been going through the garbage of Mary Louise Parker and they found a prescription and some other things. The opening line says it best:

CELEBRITIES who live in Greenwich Village may want to run out and buy paper shredders. Their garbage is being sifted through by creepy trash-trollers who want to bare their secrets.

How creepy indeed. Why, it’s downright intrusive and intolerable! Then the Post goes on to report as many of the secrets found by the garbage sifter as they can fit into one item including mention of a prescription held by Mary Louise Parker.

They also detail that she lives in a building near Washington Square Park in case you wanted to narrow it down and perhaps attend to her garbage yourself, and when Parker’s rep wouldn’t comment on the prescription, they went to various other unnamed sources who provided speculation over what the medication could be for. Thank GOD.

And that’s the appeal of the New York Post. It gives pro-American readers outrage and hypocritical creepy vicarious living at once. How fulfilling. [source]

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Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz is taking a leaf out of Pink’s book and is talking about things that don’t really mean anything but still hint at edginess. I’m Not Obsessed reports that Wentz decided to talk about psychiatric medication and tattoos, presumably because he has something to sell. There’s very little other reason he’d be specifically clamoring for attention right now – I mean, apart from the fact that he’s probably plagued with a certain soul crushing narcissism.

Two golden quotes:

"I think that medication has helped me at times in my life. I’ve needed to be on medication, it’s saved my life. But it’s definitely an over-medicated generation. Rather than having any kinds of conversations with anyone to solve our problems, we go and see what pill we can take to make it all go away."

Fair enough but what do you WANT, Pete Wentz? These comments don’t come out of thin air. There’s something you WANT, isn’t there?

Then, on the topic of his potential as a politician:

"I could never pursue a career in politics. I’ve been involved in far too many scandals. "My mom says ‘You have too many tattoos’. Yeah, too many scandals and too many tattoos. "Isn’t that an irony, though, now that so many of our generation have tattoos?”

Great – ok, so thanks for letting us know that you’d never go into politics. That’s one thing off the list of things I wanted to know. I’ll put that on my list that includes information from Pink about how she’s not an alcoholic. Cool.

It seems like every time Pete Wentz says anything it’s somehow linked to how he’s really edgy and essentially dark. As though we’d forgotten. I mean, sure he’s franchised his personality out to within an inch of its life and sure his wife is pregnant but that doesn’t mean his flat ironed self has grown out of being an edgy bass player who doesn’t care what anyone thinks at all. I mean, he was on psychiatric medication for Christ’s sake. That’s got to count for something. [source]

People has run a feature where they’ve interviewed Angelina Jolie about her life and what she’s doing and for the most part it’s a run of the mill “I want my multi cultural family to understand other cultures” etc. the part that is interesting about the piece is that she hints that she and Brad Pitt could get married at some point.

"Usually people fall in love and everything revolves around the ritual of marriage, children are an afterthought. We did everything backwards," says Jolie. "But sooner or later it will be the kids who ask us [to get married]. You know, they see films and start asking questions. Such as, 'Why are Shrek and Fiona married and you're not?' "

Apart from the fact that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt look great standing next to each other in the same way Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton did, one of the ways they manage to sustain a certain tension and excitement as far as visual concept products go is that they never quite provide the coda to the relationship by marrying.

Brad Pitt addressed the issue years ago by saying that he and Jolie would not get married until it was legal for gay people to get married which was widely seen as the perfect answer from a man who didn’t really want to get married. So, now, here we are again, talking about the subject.

If they actually got married, it would relieve that cultural tension that keeps everyone guessing and interested and that would lead to a major drop in their net worth as celebrities – after the buck’s night featuring the entire cast of Oceans Thirteen (only), the bachelorette party featuring Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston trapped on a desert island, the actual wedding, honeymoon and then maybe a month in check up on how the kids are coping with absolutely no difference in their daily lives.

Ultimately though, Brangelina getting married would be like letting the greyhound catch the mechanical rabbit. You’d just have to take that dog out and shoot it. Or, ok, actually, you’d give it to a loving family as a pet. If Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt actually got married they would give up a component of their celebrity power and the vast majority of gossip magazine readers in the US would have to be given to loving families as pets. That much we know for sure. [source]

E! online reports that not only was Lindsay Lohan fired from her 6 episode stint on “Ugly Betty” after filming only 4 episodes, she is also being cut out the episodes she already shot and it’s because she was apparently “more interested in just playing herself, and that doesn't work on a show like this with such heightened reality."

Page Six went into details about how Lindsay Lohan smoked incessantly the entire time she was on set, that she wouldn’t go on set until America Ferrera was there, that she and her entourage destroyed a trailer to the extent that it had to be repainted.

When you cut through the hype you end up with Lindsay Lohan acting like a freak and derailing everything and then getting fired for it. That much seems clear.

My favourite part of this is the way, after all the shit has been flung about by everyone involved, the final statements from the Ugly Betty rep and Lohan’s rep are as follows:

Ferrera's rep would only say, "America is grateful to have had her on the show and thinks everyone should tune in to see how great the episodes are."
Lohan's rep said, "Lindsay was scheduled for six episodes and is appearing in four but had a lovely time."

It’s always good to leave it nice at the end. No matter what. Smile through your surgery I always say. [source] [source]

It’s business as usual 12 days before the election with the Daily News reporting that Sarah Palin doesn’t know who Oliver Stone is so if nothing else at least we have continuity.

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin was bewildered at her "Saturday Night Live" rehearsal when Stone heckled his "W." star, Josh Brolin, during the opening monologue. "Who's that?" Palin whispered to someone. Told it was Stone, she asked, "Who's he?"

Isn’t that lovely? I know I’m not looking around the room to see if there are cameras filming everyone because this is really just Ashton Kutcher’s way of getting everyone back for not taking him seriously as an actor.

However, while I thought the US was the only country in the world that would tolerate extreme hypocrisy and self negating politics during an election, imagine how much of a relief it was for me when I found out that Stefan Petzner (there he is above in what could easily have been his gay.com profile shot), the successor to Austria’s far-right leader Jörg Haider was dismissed yesterday after he revealed a “special” relationship “far beyond” friendship with his former mentor, the UK’s Times reports.

So, the basic, completely unsurprising rundown is this: 52 year old married Jorg Haider who was in a relationship with 27 year old Stefan Petzner, they headed up a political party that endorses anti-immigration, anti-European Union and hard core “traditional family values”. The two got in a fight at a book launch, Haider drove off, went to a gay club and drank copious amounts of alcohol with a bunch of male hookers and then crashed his car, killing himself. 27 year old Petzner was then installed as the party’s leader because that’s what it takes to lead a political party that is so clearly capable of holding dear values that are so clearly applicable to its member’s day to day lives. You just need to be fucking the boss and you get to run the party.
The party became outraged by interviews Petzner gave where he talked about his love for Haider and they dismissed him as leader.

What a relief that America isn’t the only place where an almost comically self righteous conservative whose values offer no real insight into their actual life can become a political figure. Here I was thinking America was the laughing stock of the world. How ridiculous of me. [source] [source]

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Rumours are still floating about the Barack Obama may appear on SNL on the weekend prior to the election. This time round it seems like maybe that could be a good idea. I mean, the effect that something like that has entirely ephemeral and meaningless in terms of what it indicates about a candidate but if Obama appears 3 days before the nation goes to the polls then that glowing tingling warmth that it will create could carry over to whatever people carry to the voting booths.

That’s the kind of nation this is. If Obama were to make everyone laugh and appear in front of a shining light that made him look like he had a halo then people would probably vote for him. The effect would only last for a few days at the most though. It might be better if they run it on the Sunday instead. Or maybe even the Monday. I wonder if SNL could, just for that week, be called “MNL” and be run the night before. Just to hit the America in the jugular.

Sarah Palin’s appearance just showed she was ok with being made fun of which is fine and helpful but ultimately it seems to pander to this fairly simplistic persona that she is hammering out. It’s almost satirical the extent to which she aggressively insists she is just like regular people and how much she values and respects small town, average people. There’s very little else to her besides snide, aggressive comments that pander to small town prejudices. So, she can laugh at herself. Great. Where’s the point?

I still don’t think Obama could trump the Palin appearance on SNL but if he must do it then a few days before election day is a good idea. Nothing earlier. [source]

Lady Gaga - Poker Face from Guido Antinao on Vimeo.

Here’s the new music video for Lady Gaga’s single “Poker Face”. I feel like I’ve been dealing with Gaga for like a year now in the periphery of my mind. We ended up getting some connection to her through the radio show I do and have been playing her music for months, then she played at Daniel Nardicio’s birthday on Fire Island (for some reason I was going to say “wedding” but that wouldn’t have been right) where I met her and talked to her for a bit about Warhol. I told her it took me three listens before I got her original single “Just Dance” and she came back after half an hour and said, “Wait, three listens? Tell me the truth, I just want to hear the truth.”. I actually just meant I only realized the song was about getting drunk.

For a while, I was under the impression that her new album “The Fame” was going to drop on October 8 but now there are signs up all over Manhattan saying it’s now Oct 28. October 8 seemed like it was the party line.

I’ve read several interviews with Gaga and I’ve decided that while I totally get the music due in no small part, I’ll assume, to the fact that it’s produced to within an inch of its life and has been built to be unavoidable, I don’t get this glam hipster android character she’s invented. Britney was a Republican reluctant whore, Pink and Avril Lavigne were the anti-Spears, Aguilera based most of what she did on her voice actually and then morphed into different characters. They were all clear to me. It’s unclear to me what Gaga is meant to be.

The New York Post reports that Sean Penn is back in Venezuela and is apparently hanging out with Hugo Chavez again which gives the Post an opportunity to drag out the old “Sean Penn Loves Hugo Chavez” story. In fact, I’m hard pressed to think of more than one or two mentions that they have made of him that haven’t arbitrarily opted to call him a Chavez supporter/Socialist on some level. Still, Penn’s new film “Milk” is about to come out so now is as good a time as any to drum up some more political self righteousness in the press for the purposes of publicity. Especially when you consider the current political climate in the US.

So, now – perhaps just like Pink yesterday with her anecdote about wondering if she was an alcoholic but never actually being one at the same time as her album is about to drop – the old Sean Penn story gets drawn out and OH, look at that, Milk comes out on December 5. Well, I might just go and see that. [source]

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Ok, so, the embed code for the above video is longer and more inanely complex than any other code I have ever seen but in many ways that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest seeing as what it is actually featuring is one of the most hyped and yet pointless, vapid TV show ideas currently threatening to take up time on a network schedule. After all, it's just a video clip but it demands more space and time and energy than anything else and yet delivers nothing more. Just like the show. The premise is that Whitney Port ie. Whitney from The Hills, has landed in New York City and has taken a job working for some PR firm or for a fashion company or something and she walks around the city being touted as a younger, more controlled, contrived and less edgy Carrie Bradshaw. Gee, what a breath of fresh air.

I was watching her swan about in clothes, talk to thin woman who walk the sidewalk like it’s a runway in that high school cheerleader LA vernacular about vocus and direction and seriousness and I was thinking, gee, what could possibly make this just the complete definition of insufferable? I wonder. So, my colonial angst set in and I though, “If they put some generic Australian alpha male with scruffy facial hair and a thick put-on accent model wannnabe in this as her potential date I will vomit my freaking guts out” and then all of a sudden, she’s sitting at a café table with some generic Australia alpha male with scruffy facial hair and a thick put-on accent male model who says “Oi can boiee your personuw Austrayan tewah goide” .

It’s like you could basically predict everything that is going to happen in this series now. Ok, I’m doing that now. I’m thinking about it but then my brain revolts from the task and just shuts down. My brain refuses to even go through the process. I really cannot, for the life of me, figure out what these shows give people. Well, that’s not true either. I think about it and it all flows down to banality and ego escapism and self loathing. This is why someone like Sarah Palin is a viable option. I keep saying that but it’s true.

With eight days to go until her new album, Funhouse, drops, it’s time for Pink to start drumming up some press and seeing as Britney is genuinely more insane and now together and productive than Pink has ever been, it’s difficult for her to go the old route of “I’m an anti-establishment punk rocker with complex hair and a boyish figure” to get the kids interested. Now, she’s been reduced to retroactive tales of alcoholism that was never technically alcoholism.

She is quoted as saying:

"I checked into Canyon Ranch in Tucson, Arizona, in the summer and I went to see a therapist, telling him I was an alcoholic. He asked me when I'd had my last drink and I couldn't remember - it had been a few weeks previously. I then read the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) manual cover to cover and we talked. I realised I wasn't an alcoholic, just someone who likes to get drunk every now and again. I'm trying to work out if that's a bad thing."

Isn’t that great? She is not actually an alcoholic, she’s just trying to figure out if it’s ok to go out and get hammered every now and then. So, essentially, there’s no real story here at all…but then, if you think about it, there never really was a story with her anyway. This is just the more truthful version of Pink.

In the wake of Britney's nervous breakdown and return, poor Avril Lavigne has gone and had her husband appear to be cheating on her to get some press and maybe even, ultimately, some integrity. I mean, that’s called focus. Pink needs to take notes from her contemporary faux rocker, Avril. They should get together and put an act together where they just throw up on each other for ten minutes and then they go backstage and change clothes into a fresh copy of the outfit they were originally wearing – something from the angry, pierced, pseudo lesbians line at Urban Outfitters – so they can keep their stylist’s recommendations but not have to do the rest of the show covered in vomit. That’s my suggestion. It’s that or I watch a marathon of Skins on BBC America and eat a jar of lemon curd. Not sure why, it just is and I really want the former. [source]

MTV in the UK reports that Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s divorce has started to really gather some momentum. What that means is that the people who hang out with the two of them are probably being offered big money to spill dish on anything to do with the reality of the marriage.

Madonna is one of the most controlled people ever in the sense that everything she does is completely calculated and there is often very little room for spontaneity. Recently, though, she’s been letting herself slip with random statements like “In exactly 29 moves, the Queen will dump the King!” to an audience in New York and now Ritchie has been quoted, through a secondary source, as saying that making love to Madonna was like cuddling with a “piece of gristle”. Which it no doubt is. After all, she’s 50 and trying to live like 30 year old. The amount of gym work she must do is probably directly proportionate to the amount of panic she feels over being increasingly less in control of the inevitable decline of her body. Aren’t her breasts insured for a million dollars each?

Even though it would seem that Guy Ritchie has been emasculated because he is dating a hard core control freak feminist icon, what does he have to lose in dishing on her? He’s got money, he’s got no real reputation besides the few films he’s made and frankly, keeping the discussion about the breakdown of his marriage going can only really help the film he’s currently working on publicity wise. And yet, Madonna has spent her entire life making sure everything happens flawlessly. He could totally dish on her as a freaking contemporary Joan Crawford type and make a mint. He could make a film about her and Mira Sorvino could play Madonna. Alan Cumming said he was at a dinner party with Mira Sorvino and she said that some actress wouldn’t make it in the big time because she didn’t have what it takes to stay thin. Mira Sorvino sees herself as someone who has what it takes to stay adequately thin, however. That’s what she and Madonna probably have in common. Where is Mira Sorvino now anyway?

So, in short, while it’s tragic that they are divorcing, the divorce between Guy Ritchie and Madonna seems like it will prove to be an opportunity to see what Madonna is really like and so far we have the image of a sexless piece of “gristle”. Write that up on the chalk board under Madonna, please.
[source]

Sarah Palin did appear on Saturday Night Live and it was successful entirely because she just showed up. Nothing else. She benefits from this because was just open to being the target of some essentially good natured satire and that is enough to make her more endeared to the American people.

The trouble with this for me is that I watched it and liked her but I like her because I’m a sucker for those hilarious TV specials where people turn up from other people’s shows and it’s like all these different universes collide in a moment of universal understanding. Farrah Fawcett walking into the Brady Bunch’s home because her car breaks down and everyone gets along. Although, the whole thing is sort of inane because Farrah Fawcett is still a celebrity but the Brady Bunch are still in character. Sort of like when Kath and Kim presented awards at the Logie Awards in Australia and Shawn Micaleff was the host and the first thing he did was ask them what they were doing there. Still, it’s a great metaphor for tolerance, collaboration and acceptable.

Apart from that fact that it’s likely that all the actors who appeared on SNL in relation to Palin will not be voting for her and they were the ones who created the television environment within which she was able to succeed, it seems unlikely that anyone from the Democratic ticket would be able to come back with anything that could match this effort from the GOP. Unless it was a walk on spot on 30 Rock for Joe Biden where he played himself. There would be too many meta narratives with that though and because it’s not live he’d be criticized for spending too much time trying to out do Palin and work on his image.

Ultimately though, Palin wins because of this. She got to do her high ranking wink and ridiculous forced optimist grin only this time she did it while left leaning elitists parodied her on a blandly appealing show. How could she not be loved more by people who require nothing more than an ephemeral sense of warmth in their groin from the person they are electing to office.

Also, kudos to Amy Poehler for basically just doing anything. She’s like 50 months pregnant and rapping flawlessly as Palin on TV.

Sarah Palin may very well be appearing on Saturday Night Live this weekend which is actually a great idea. SNL have been getting great mileage out of her recently and so her appearing on the show will just hammer the shit out of the one and a half points she exists to make ie. That’s she’s likeable because she’s just like the average person.

If she can take criticism from a rich, clever, leftist, New Yorker like Tina Fey then she’s even more on the side of the average Joe Sixpack and Hockey Mom and that will prop her up in all sorts of demographic groups across the country. After all, if she’s fabulous, funny and self deprecating then there’s no reason to wonder about her foreign policy experience.

The interesting thing about this ABC blog post that I’m using as a source here is that they quote Palin in a way that is clearly mocking her a la Ruby Wax. They include her considered use of “doggone it” twice.

Palin also says:

"But you know," she said, "I just want to be there to show Americans that we will rise above the political shots that we take because we're in this serious business for serious challenges that are facing the good American people right now. That's why we're campaigning hard. That's why we're working hard."

For Palin to say that is laughable. What has characterized the Republican party campaign so far is predictable, aggressive, gutter level emotion charged swipes that play on any and every prejudice found profitable and what makes Obama stand out – even perhaps more than he should as a junior senator – is his often surprising decision not to swipe on the same level as McCain. When Palin came into the race she was sent out as a programmed tank drumming up inane, ignorant, often violent and certainly issueless intolerance of her opponent. It’s almost like she could do it so that McCain could try and appear more civil. After all, civility seemed to be working for Obama.

Palin on SNL will be cute but it will completely subvert the election yet again from anything even remotely meaningful which, when you’re running on what the McCain/Palin ticket are running on is probably vital. Joan Didion wrote a great piece on salon.com about how this election was entirely about soundbytes and nothing else and that it played out as expected. Palin on SNL is just another “Lipstick on a Pig”, “Joe the Plumber”, “Spread the Wealth Around”, Bill Ayers... [source]

I have multiple deadlines and am under weird pressure and therefore I'm finding it difficult to get everything done and so blog posts this week are less than they should be. Regardless, Xavier Smith pointed out Janelle Monae to me and I thankfully listened to her. That managed to pluck me at least partially from the quagmire of inefficiency. This is “Many Moons”. She seems like blending of Outkast, Gwen Stefani, Grace Jones, and The Cocteau Twins. Maybe a little of "The Avengers" too. Sort of in the tradition of Lady Gaga’s high concept persona based pop even though I wouldn’t credit Gaga with having invented it or anything, really. I still don't quite get what Gaga is about. She's all so vague and "Fashion", "Fame", "internal", "external", multi-media metanarrative with three props and some severe hair. Monae seems like she’s got this delightful, 60s Mod brightness juxtaposed against a visceral involvement with the music.


Also, here’s new music by The Killers, “Human”.

I had their all their albums and the last one, Sam’s Town, despite all critical failure, inspired me to go to South America for some reason. I think because of the music video to “When You Were Young”. I was watching TV late at night with my boyfriend at the time, David, and it really amazed me. There was something attractive about the setting for that piece compared with New York’s hyper-urbanity. We went to Venezuela and on New Year’s Eve of 2006 I found myself isolated on an island located four hours into the Amazon jungle, and 15 minutes on a boat away from the shore, at the base of the Andes with no internet, no phone; alone with someone who wanted to kill me and I was never quite sure why. Maybe I won’t take any more cues from The Killers. This song seems geared toward being remixed for greater play in clubs. Whatever, something’s got to keep Brandon Flowers in coke and whores.

Rumours abounded months ago that Madonna and Guy Ritchie were divorcing but that it wouldn’t happen until after Madonna had finished her, at the time, pending tour. Now, it turns out, the couple are divorcing as soon as possible.

The general theme here is that Madonna seems to be slipping. Yesterday it was the fact that her moustache was evident even though she was at her own movie premiere, prior to that it was actual displays of likeable humanity with the self produced videos she made for Perez Hilton that showed her vacuuming up after a shoot. It became clear that the plan was to avoid divorce scrutiny until the tour had happened and it’s safe to assume that Madonna’s plans are, for the most part, carried out.

And yet, here we are.

Moustache, divorce rumour, funny videos, evident humanity.

This is really just one more example of how Madonna is increasingly not really in sync with who she thinks she is. Granted she’s never really put a foot wrong that ever resonated on a deep level for her but you can’t outsource substance forever and expect people not to notice.

I mean, I can even imagine that the divorce would be iron clad. In fact, its almost completely feasible that Madonna could go to New York, order her staff to get it sorted and she could return to London with the entire house re-arranged to retain no memory of Guy Ritchie, the divorce settlement could be complete and she could feasibly insist that no one ever mention him again.

In that sense, with that range of control, Madonna could quite easily become the new Joan Crawford. [source]

Madonna’s new film, Filth and Wisdom premiered on the weekend and there are all these photos of her doing two things. One, she is wearing these high heel shoes where the heels are made of small guns and two, she has a barely visible moustache.

It’s the second thing in that list that I find the most intriguing. At least, if you’re playing a game where you have two things and you have to choose which of the two is the most interesting. I’m fairly certain some people would not mind about the moustache but I’m not one of those people.

I actually don’t care if she has a moustache and goatee at all. She can exhibit whatever physical attributes she wants to and I actually expect her to. What I find interesting is the enormous response to it online and the fact that her film premiered and the coverage of it that I’ve seen is so much less than the coverage of her moustache.

It would seem to me that someone as savvy as Madonna would be atuned to things like this primarily because this is just the kind of thing that takes focus away from the film itself. Considering it was her film premiering, I would have thought she would step to it and make everything work. Apparently that’s not the case. Why didn’t she know that America wouldn’t be able to focus on her film if she had fuzz on her face? I can’t believe I just wrote that.

Consequently, here we are being forced to read about Madonna’s moustache and I still have no idea what kind of response people had to the movie. [source]

Academy Award winner Anna Paquin showed her breasts on True Blood, HBO’s new vampire series, over the weekend and, considering the hype it would generate, I just thought it was a waste. For some reason I’ve been watching True Blood, the new vampire show on HBO and it seems clear that it’s meant to be a reincarnation of what Buffy was in the nineties but it just isn’t. It’s not really anything. The premise is fine but the acting is shaky and it’s uneven.

Even Anna Paquin’s character is a little one note.

That’s why it’s a shame she went topless for this. There’s nothing really going on except for a whole list of no doubt contracted shots of Ryan Kwanten naked in every episode, some clichéd black characters and a bit of gimmicky social commentary. The whole time I was watching the last episode I sat there waiting to see why I was bothering and then, suddenly nothing happened. I still can’t figure out why I kept watching.

Marisa Tomei showed her breasts and laugh lines in The Wrestler, Darren Aronofsky’s new film and it made more sense. Aronofsky’s films are gritty and confronting and with “The Wrestler” the pieces fell in place for it to be considered “shameless Oscar bait” by the New York Times which I think it probably will end up being. It seems like the Academy has a hard time going past an opportunity to manifest a good old fashioned success story so it can keep the smoke and mirrors up. That’s what it did with Jennifer Hudson at the end of the day and that’s what it could potentially do with Mickey Rourke. In that sense, perhaps showing her breasts during the gritty, independent film reincarnation of Mickey Rourke was a respectable move made by Marisa Tomei.

For Academy Award winner Anna Paquinit’s not so admirable for her to bare all on 2008’s washed out, uneven, immature answer to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. [source]

James Franco, reports Jossip, has the most perfect face in the world and it’s been scientifically proven. There’s a computer program plastic surgeons use to figure out hat minor alterations people could make to their faces to make them more symmetrical or whatever, and the computer found nothing wrong with James Franco. I mean, his face. There are still those vague, inconclusive rape tendencies he may or may not have but at least his face is stunning.

Even here, on a Friday night, in the office near the Empire State Building, I can hear a soul crying out desperately for validation. I’m pretty sure it’s Zac Efron. Yes, I can hear the repressed woman in his wimpering. Poor Zac. All that cortisone and relentless throwing up so that your teeth are rotting can’t be good for you at the end of the day. That’s why James Franco came out on top. All he does is smoke pot and go to school to be a writer. You can’t really foster inner beauty in a genuinely marketable sense if you’re stuck in the bathroom all night trying to make sure your eye lashes are bent at the right angle and that zit is properly spackled over. No one wants to think about that.

Jesus, I’m fucking annoyed about this Flash drive. I bet it was one of those rancid delivery people. I bet they took it. It was sitting there, in the back of my laptop and it had a pretty blue light. Gosh, pretty blue = enough for a hit of crack and some shitty fucking fried chicken the next day. Why not just take it? Hell, if it’s in front of you that means it’s yours. Go for it. I’m bitter. Sue me. [source]