Here’s a photo of Mischa Barton that is inspiring a slew of people on the internet to protest that she looks too thin. I don’t know that I’ve ever written the name Mischa Barton before. I just looked her up and found out she was English which is a surprise considering the way she so seamlessly resembles any other generic LA actress.

Regardless, I’m just wondering if she really is that thin or if she imploded her face to look thin when they took the shot. People do that all the time, they suck in their cheeks for the camera, but for the most part it looks ridiculous so the follow up plan to that is to turn your head to the side so you emphasise your jaw line. It’s what all the irony free fags do in back of the gay street press in those photos of who was seen out and about. They do that head to the side thing and the serious eyes all of a sudden because it really turns up the marketable sexiness. I’m sure there’s more to say about that but I think my hands are refusing to type anything more about gay people photographed for the back of gay street press.

One thing going for Mischa Barton in this photo is that she does look genuinely dead behind the eyes and that makes it seem like maybe her emaciation is bona fide. Still, is it really a good idea to shriek that she looks too thin? Isn’t that what a starving actress wants? Proof that her starvation work has paid off and that she really does look thin? Yes, Mischa, you’re thin. We can all see it. Maybe it’s best for us to just ignore the thinness and concentrate on her work. Where is that by the way? She seems to simply turn up to things and date people but I don’t know what the hell else…oops, there go my hands again. Not letting me type anymore about Mischa Barton.

Meanwhile, it’s Fashion Week in New York this week which means that all up and down Fifth Avenue near the office will be these vague, aggressively casual looking models juxtaposed against the bland, urban landscape usually populated with fat boring people from Long Island who wear those pointless Bluetooth headpieces or tourists who walk slowly that have flown from Arkansas or the UK.

The UK tourists stand in line at Walgreens and moan about things. That’s my favourite part.

I keep seeing these black flashes in the corners of my eyes. They’re like demon rats that transcend physicality. I told Paul Capsis once that I had a fear of rats before I came to New York and after I got here it expanded to include hallucinations. He said, “Well, it was either going to get better or get worse.” He was right.

The New York Times reports that the Catholic Church is still selling indulgences in New York City. Isn’t that great? Along with a mysterious beast story, there’s nothing I like more than a good story about how fucking ludicrous the Catholic Church can be. Well, any religion really, I mean they’re all about as insane and arbitrary when it comes to the specific rituals and political positions they take and it all resembles big business but the Catholics tend to put on a good show.

The last time I remember the Catholic Church coming out with a perfectly absurd proclamation was when they decided to abolish the notion of Limbo, the place where unbaptized stillborn children. It hadn’t really been used that much of late so they just abolished it. Actually, World Youth Day in Sydney while I was there last year was a pretty astonishing experience. They carted a dead body around the world to show it off and banned the presence of condoms from within a certain radius of the Pope. What does that imply? That he barebacks? Also, World Youth Day was actually several days long. So, the entire tissue of confusion begins with the freaking name. It wasn't actually one DAY. Gosh, the lies...

Here we have churches selling absolution from wrongdoing.
The Times reports:

According to church teaching, even after sinners are absolved in the confessional and say their Our Fathers or Hail Marys as penance, they still face punishment after death, in Purgatory before they can enter heaven. In exchange for certain prayers, devotions or pilgrimages in special years, a Catholic can receive an indulgence, which reduces or erases that punishment instantly, with no formal ceremony or sacrament.

Another great quote in the Times piece is:

“Why are we bringing it back?” asked Bishop Nicholas A. DiMarzio of Brooklyn, who has embraced the move. “Because there is sin in the world.”

Ah, yes – and because it will also pay for whatever personal indulgences the clergy are into. Finally, they can say yes to that Italian marble for the spa in the vestry.

I think sometimes when it becomes possible to write about something as ludicrous as this I get so overwhelmed I basically just shut down and can’t be bothered. It becomes like a dam with a hole in it and that’s a real commitment to make. [source]

Here's my take on the Grammy's last night because the Huffington Post is reporting that the Jonas Brothers had some dubious fashion choices throughout the night of the Grammys and I really don’t think that was the case. I mean, maybe it was but the whole show was sort of inane and the Jonas Brothers fashion sense was hardly worth its own post.

For one thing, Hipster Jonas, the one with the floppy hair and v-neck, was really just a pork pie hat away from wearing the quintessential hipster outfit; pointed black shoes, skin tight black jeans, a v-neck t shirt and a black vest. I mean, all that was about was cornering one aesthetic angle of the youth market which he did fine.

Technically, I skimmed through the entire Grammy’s last night about half an hour after it started so I didn’t have to sit through the country music portion and Whitney Houston was clearly keeping it all together with some original strength cellotape. Most of what she said was fine but only in the way that most of what Sharon Stone says is essentially fine. Ok, what else…the tooth grindingly awful presentation by Dwayne Johnson was like eating glass and I was literally asking him out loud to leave the screen.

Hipster Jonas may well have figured out how to look like a hipster stereotype but the three brothers were hamming it up SO much while playing with Stevie Wonder I just didn’t buy even a second of their enthusiasm. The insanely pregnant MIA, who was, according to Kate Beckinsale, supposed to give birth that very day still managed to climb onto the stage and churn out a performance – no doubt because you really do have to take every single chance you get when it comes to show business even if that chance is a superfluous number featuring four gargantuan male rapper egos that drowned her out even though she maintained a team player stance throughout the entire number in her weird lady bug pregnancy outfit. I mean, it would have been outright demeaning if they hadn’t given her the last line. Why do people talk about how fucking great Kanye West is? I have never ever instinctively cared about his work.

Radiohead and the marching band that accompanied them were pretty amazing even if they were introduced by Gwyneth Paltrow wearing what was effectively a glittered belt and nothing else. Chris Martin is annoying even if he is pretty damned attractive and it seemed like Sir Paul MccCartney didn’t quite hit a few notes but whatever I mean, he’s Paul McCartney – something that was repeatedly brought up. Oh, look, it’s Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney, the massively famous star. Some people were ironic about him like Jack Black’s joke about how he’s a bassist to look out for. Fascinating! I suppose it was lucky Paul McCartney was there to be a default focal point for all the phoned in fake humility and selflessness. Also, I mean, maybe it got old because I’d just eaten a bowl of red jello with some whipped cream on it and I was suffering a sugar crash. Either that or the pending apocalypse.

What else? I walked off about five minutes to the end. [source]

For some reason people are really responding to the Christian Bale rant through song and as such, here’s a youtube video of The Mae Shi’s take on it. Its borderline clever white male art a la South Park which is rarely funny on a genuine gut level but because it’s dancey and rockerish it’s ok and silly.

The bigger question here is, why are people responding in song? I suppose it’s only fair. I mean, when Fraulein Maria was running through the hills of Austria she responded by singing “The hills are alive with the sound of music.” So, as far as first reactions go "song" has to be considered viable. I’m going to call this the Fraulein Maria Effect.

Also, to be fair, there have been two main responses I’ve gauged; and keep in mind I am really only barely paying attention at this point because I’m on two deadlines. The two main responses are either song based or they’re from women and gay men who say “Yeah, he has rage issues but I’d still hit it.”

Cool. So, we’re either dancing our way through other people’s rage or deciding that it’s fine to be aggressively assaulted. This is my kind of town. If only Xenakis were still alive; we could have both at the same time.

I’m writing this piece for DNA and am trying to adhere to a deadline for a class I’m taking that is on tomorrow night and so I haven’t got a whole lot of time to blog today but last nevertheless, night I went to see Justin Bond perform his final night at Le Poisson Rouge and he was astounding. I had forgotten how good he really is. Rufus Wainwright and Jake Shears were there but they didn’t do anything except watch.

Justin performed a couple of Bambi Lake songs including this one:

I was in the front and directly in front of him and so with the light behind his head he looked like an illuminated prophet.

Plus, it’s snowing here and snow always slows everything down and this freaking essay I’m writing isn’t coming together. I have to figure out a way to create a moment of tension in a character profile and it’s just not working and I have to be somewhere in less than an hour. This is just like the holocaust but a million times worse.

Here’s a remix of the recorded Christian Bale tirade by DJ RevoLucian that was making the rounds yesterday. That's right, it's Christian Bale rage you can dance to. Finally. I mean, I already dance to American Psycho but this is so much more effective.

I was lying in bed, sort of frozen this morning, in that space between being awake and asleep and even though I had far more pressing things to think about, I couldn’t help but think about Christian Bale being such an angry angry man as a way of avoiding my own problems.

Where did this anger start? Did he pick it up in China when he was playing Jim in Empire of the Sun? That’s the only place I can think of based on what I know of his life and I’m pretty sure I know enough about his life to think and talk about it a lot and to draw some pretty reasonable conclusions. I saw Empire of the Sun 14 times. I remember it was on TV once in 1991 and it was a choice between Empire of the Sun and Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles and I wanted to watch the Turtles movie because it was familiar and unchallenging but my parents insisted on Empire of the Sun and in retrospect I thank them for that.

The thing is, Christian Bale is English. When you’re English and you have to be that repressed all the time eventually you explode. Most English people aren’t famous but the ones who are know to live in constant hiding for fear of bursting in public. Christian Bale failed to remember both of those two well-known realities. Now, he may want to think about marketing himself as a human weapon. A killing machine. The perfect killing machine.

Honestly, what else is there?

The Associated Press reports that as China's Prime Minister Wen Jiabao was attempting to give a speech at Cambridge University, someone threw a shoe at his head. Yawn.
The AP goes on to report:

The protester seated near the back of the auditorium stood up during Wen's speech and shouted: "How can you listen to this unchallenged?" before throwing a shoe that landed some distance from the premier.

And when you tell it like that, it sounds like some kind of Absurdist Theatre – which I find personally, rather exciting.

But nevertheless, Absurdist Theatre elements aside, by my count there are only one or two chances for someone to jump on the shoe throwing bandwagon left before it becomes eye roll worthy and actually would probably boost the public profile of the target of the shoe.

This sort of reminds me of the time Britney Spears was wheeled out of her house on a gurney and Courtney Love immediately jumped in saying that she and Courtney were the only ones who had ever had that happen. The Delta Burke took third place saying she was a depressive hoarder and also, there was that guy who said he was an insomniac. After that, mental illness became passé. You only have so many windows of opportunity to get things done and capitalise.

And the other thing is, someone apparently made a huge sculpture of the shoe thrown at Bush in Iraq which was taken down from being displayed and I would actually say that that counts as half an attempt at capitalizing. Similarly, there was the whole sale of the original shoe for a massive sum which is about half an attempt meaning that at this point there’s only one attempt left.

Sadly, this was tiresome because nothing really happened as a result of the shoe throwing except some emergency English protocol and politeness. The AP report goes on:

“The university is a place for discussion, debate and considered argument, not for shoe throwing," said Tim Holt, a university spokesman.

The protester was taken to a local police station for questioning, police spokeswoman Shelly Spratt said.

Just as an aside, I’m looking for a place for shoe throwing and I’m wondering where I can go. This is very serious. I find myself in need of some appropriate theatrical shoe throwing. [source]

The Huffington Post reports that Michael Phelps has issued a statement of apology for smoking marijuana from a bong at a party recently and it goes like this:

"I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again."

It’s almost as though this is just some scripted routine designed by some PR executives to keep Michael Phelps in the news. I mean, the statement is almost a fill in the blanks paragraph churned out by a computer that specialises in American cultural and moral crises management. He had started to fade out a bit and the narrative arc of something like this is probably going to be helpful for Phelps in the long run anyway. He comes out with a statement where the underlying tone is that he never really did anything bad but that he’s sorry, everyone is upset for three minutes until he apologises and makes some public gesture that illustrates his intolerance of drug abuse and then the American public forgives him.

The American public is sort of like a gang of insecure teenagers in that respect. They love to turn someone into a demagogue and then tears them down almost arbitrarily based on absurd moral outrage and then, after they’ve publically flogged them for a while, the demagogue is allowed to come back but this time with kind of performative humility. It’s like American enjoys being dominated by something until it doesn’t enjoy it and then it changes its mind again. Just like a spoilt child.

Meanwhile, Michael Phelps is standing in the middle of the hurricane having more or less done nothing at all and just has to weather it with the help of some PR consultants who know how this works because it’s always the same.

Strangely enough, Phelps hasn’t been approached by Paris Hilton yet and that’s interesting. I always thought that would happen and then a zeitgeist baby would be born. Or at least a massive explosion of celebrity plasma would spray all over everyone and that would tide us over as the Obama flame dies down. [source]

Elizabeth Hasselbeck announced today on The View that she is pregnant again which really suggests that her only real appeal on the show is the performance of motherhood in front of the audience of women who love thinking about children and how they’ve either had them or want to or something.

It always seems like Elizabeth Hasselbeck is coming up with some reason to stay employed on that show whether it be her contrived, breathless and excitable right wing stance on everything because it’s her angle or whether it be the stories of her pleasant domesticity as a working mother with a sporty husband – everything comes back to survival. It’s not necessarily about substance or reason, it’s just survival.

I often wonder if, for Elizabeth Hasselbeck, life is simply a complex process of filling in time until she dies. I mean, there must be moments where she just sits there as her husband is in the next room smashing his head against the wall to try and numb reality somehow, where she cuts to the core of the issue and just looks at her watch and rolls her eyes. I mean, it’s got to be over soon, right? Life? [source]

Following on from yesterday’s post about how gawker was getting in early with their criticism of Barack Obama’s tendency to be a humourless control freak in order to prove that they never swallowed the Kool Aid, at least as journalists anyway, Women’s Wear Daily is reporting that after they broke the story Black Artists’ Association criticizing Michelle Obama for not wearing clothes by a black designer to the inauguration, death threats were received by the Black Artists’ Association.
“BAA’s co-founder Amnau Eele, a former runway model, said she was not speaking on behalf of individual designers, but merely wanted to broach the subject. She has faced death threats as a result,” WWD reports.

See, death threats are the kind of thing that make criticism of the human elements of the Obama entity so valuable. I mean, if you weren’t doing the cultural equivalent of taking away the people’s opiate then why would it be so courageous? That being said, give it a rest.

The woman was First Lady for literally only a few hours before she was being beaten down for not making the right choice of dress to wear. She already went out in J Crew which is a pretty strong statement to make in terms of fashion and economic status. Besides, she chose Jason Wu who is a kid – that is sure to inspire other kids to get out there and make dresses. And that’s what the presidency is all about. It’s about how many kids are designing gowns for women.

In other news, last night I went to Alan Cumming’s birthday party for like 10 minutes. That was after I ate a whole wheat humus and falafel sandwich. The nice thing about snow in New York is that it’s all light, pure and enchanting for the first bit. Of course, once the city rolls over it it becomes brown messy sludge and the mess doesn’t leave until April. Also, there are less rats everywhere when it’s snowing and I enjoy that. [source]

Icelandic Social Affairs Minister Johanna Sigurðardottir would be the world's first openly gay Prime Minister if she becomes Prime Minister of Iceland, as is widely expected, reports the Huffington Post. Her achievement as a gay politician is, in itself, impressive but with that we are, yet again, presented with an example of how Iceland is ahead of the world. Look at her up there in that small picture I posted. She's got her glamorous red lipstick on and white, ice-like hair, if you will. What a patriotic Icelandic woman. It's no wonder she's basically in charge. I mean, her hair indicates she's already living the part.

For about two months last year Iceland was THE place to be planning to go for New Year’s Eve due maybe in part to a tourism ad campaign on the subway and all over New York following the collapse of Iceland’s economy. All anyone would talk about was Iceland. “Oh, hi, I’m thinking about going to Iceland” is what they would say to me as I stood about at parties making idle conversation with actors, publicists and hookers.

And I didn’t blame them, either. While I’ve never travelled to Iceland, I have known of the delights of Iceland for years prior to this momentus historical moment whether it be from my ongoing and relentless research of puffins, the playful Atlantic seabird often affectionately known as the clown of the sea, Bjork, my interest in the different ways that caraway seeds can be used including as the principle flavor in Iceland’s national alcoholic beverage Brennivin, or whether it be the always enchanting Icelandic appetizer, hakarl, a cheese like substance made from the meat of a rotten shark. It’s certainly no surprise to me that again, even in the face of economic ruin, the Icelandics are still managing to do interesting things.

The Huffington Post goes on to report that Ms. Sigurðardóttir's appointment has been met with general apathy both inside and outside the country, a cultural reality that could only possibly be the result of massed intoxication and delusion. I am delighted to say that the news of her appointment is certainly not being met with apathy from me. Why, I am pleased as punch and, in fact, will be sending her a note with a list of national suggestions bracketed with compliments so that she doesn’t feel too hard done by as a result of my admittedly pushy tone.

Thank you again, Iceland, for being small and important. Not everyone couldn’t give a shit. Keep it up! [source]

Gawker has joined the ranks of media outlets who write critical things about the Messianic President by posting a story about how Obama has been all nice so far but now that he's the president he's letting out some of his controlling rage (look at him in that picture above - all pissed off and shit) and for some reason I was surprised there for a moment. It’s like , “oh, look at that…someone on the north east left talking smack about the human embodiment of hope for western culture…that’s something you don’t see every day.” That's not surprising at all!

I mean, for one thing, gawker is always among the first to be bitchy and snarky so it’s true to form. In reality though, it seems like it’s just a matter of time before even more leftist journalists jump on the bandwagon of being highly critical of Obama – and not entirely because he doesn’t deserve to be viewed critically – actually because the first to depart from the hero worship can claim credit for being journalists with unique credibility.

In fact, now it’s almost like the opposite of what happened with conservatives jumping ship prior to the election and joining the progressives. Leftist journalists are going to slowly clamor to write things critical of the president and the more they go against the libidinal tide of popular opinion the better for them.

Everyone is trying to prove that they were at the helm of the issue first. That’s half the job of writing in the public sphere anyway. You have to actually be there and can I just say it gets exhausting.

I took a break from attempting to be at the helm and last night I went out to dinner with Greg Allen who is an immensely talented hair stylist who graciously cuts my hair for like nothing and does a bang up job in between styling for Harper’s Bazaar and a ton of people, Adam Klesh – some loud restaurateur I once met and Matthew Woodin, Adam’s ex but who is also tolerably funny. It was really amazing to remember what it was like to go out with people and socialize in a way that wasn’t the result of some rancid online invitation that attempts to lure you in with an open bar. Plus, none of us drank so it wasn’t messy. I mean, it was practically 1996 again. Minus the pending depression, post school poverty and relationships with several people on anti-psychotics who were into self harm. Yeah, that was a great period of time. [source]

The Huffington Post reports that Sarah Palin’s $180,000 wardrobe, the wardrobe that was supposed to be donated to charity after she wore it parading about the national stage during the presidential campaign, has actually not been donated to charity, it’s sitting in garbage bags by the looks of things, at RNC Washington DC headquarters.

If anyone needed any further evidence that Sarah Palin was the Dina Lohan/Rosie O’Donnell of the political arena then this should quench that dire need. And it probably is dire. There’s about five cents worth of doubt in my mind that Sarah Palin kept those clothes on purpose so she could bump up her publicity as the entire country does the inevitable and forgets about her now that the Democrats have taken the White House.

Only very recently, she was jumping on the Caroline Kennedy media bandwagon to remind people that she’s also a woman who had run for major public office. That interest waned and so she’s dragging out plan B. The clothing. It’s not really that important unless you want to talk about how 180,000 dollars is a lot of money. For me, paying 180,000 dollars in public money so that we never talk about Sarah Palin again seems like a good investment. I would not be surprised if something to do with her kids and maybe incest rape comes out sooner or later. She’s using her cards one at a time.

So, this is really all about Sarah Palin trying to keep her hand in. And I think we’re all pretty comfortable that she’s not really that relevant any more.

One thing that struck me about her clothing was that she always seemed to choose these jackets where the sleeves were simply too short. When she raised her arms to wave it looked like she was wearing a non-commital t shirt. Is it a t shirt? Is it a jacket? How is that comfortable? In fact, John McCain had a hard time raising his arms too. So, all up, both Republican candidates had restricted arm movement and that always felt difficult to me. It was difficult to feel comfortable in a physical way while watching Sarah Palin and John McCain deal with their arms.

Oh my GOD, I’m still writing. [source]

Here’s a video from a documentary about Air Force One, which is technically any flight the president is on. From the very beginning, all I was thinking about was, “what kind of food do they serve on Air Force One” and that was all I could think about. It’s actually all I ever think about when it comes to airline travel. I don’t think about the journey, the sleeping tablets, the fact that the different cabins are a clear nod to classism unless I am in business class because I have relatives who work for United. Nope, I only think about food.

That’s why I was initially delighted to see Obama order food and to really explain what he was getting. One thing that is for sure though: the American always orders the burger. They really always do. No matter where you are, they always order the burger. And then they make a massive production out of smearing some weird mixture of mustard and ketchup on the bun and they drip it all over my white bed spread and I have to contain my rage because that stain will never come out and it was always a mistake to attempt to smear your ketchup all over the bun and not really watch what you’re doing. A mistake I would never have made because “the burger” is the least interesting item on the menu most of the time.

Following on from that, I realised I have actually never felt more uncomfortable watching Barack Obama move and speak. I always felt he had a strangely fake, affected way of operating but in this film his fake interest and goodwill is unnerving. Also, the way he drags out giving his dinner order is really difficult for me to deal with. I mean, just say what you want. Don’t you have other things to think about? God. Plus, what ELSE was on the menu. I bet they had a quality steak frites or a duck confit. Actually, you know they had a Maryland crab cake with chipotle sauce or a quesadilla with shrimp in it. American menus are pretty standard. It’s often the amount and type of cheese that fluctuates. Also, what actually constitutes cheese in America tends to fluctuate as well. With very little concern to anyone but me.

Also, here are two other things. Yesterday I was running late and as I concocted an excuse about why I was late and rehearsed saying it so it sounded sincere while waiting on the platform at Union Square, a man in hand cuffs jumped down onto the track and literally ran into the tunnel (away from the incoming train). Moments later, police officers ran up and the trains were held up. My reaction was one of total relief. I mean, you can’t BUY a more plausible excuse than an escaped criminal held up the train and one really did.

Then, later on, as I was buying my steaming oatmeal breakfast on a blisteringly cold and inhuman morning in New York City, a woman walked buy me on her cell phone and said “Yeah, we bought enough sperm for three kids.” There is no idle chatter in New York. It’s all about getting things done.

The 2009 Academy Award Nominations are out and for the first time in a really long time I have actually seen a large chunk of them. Not Slumdog Millionaire yet but I will change that asap. Fundamentally, though I’m actually involved this time and that’s better than my usual experience of the Academy Awards which involved annoyance that I didn’t see most of the films, annoyance that I wasn’t invited to attend it, some kind of just general fury at my own lack of awards and also the preposterousness of the Academy Awards anyway, being essentially disappointed in whatever extent the choice of winners goes to so that Hollywood can prop up its own mythological power and the inevitable disappointment that boils up when its over and I’m sitting in my apartment or an apartment or some place and I realize that the paint is peeling off the ceiling.

I just feel a little cynical about the Heath Ledger nomination as the hype far out weighed the performance he gave and I also think the same can sort of be said for Mickey Rourke who might just be the Jennifer Hudson of this Academy Awards show. So, all in all, it’ll be a great show.

FULL LIST OF NOMINEES FOR THE 81ST ACADEMY AWARDS

BEST PICTURE

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" "Frost/Nixon" "Milk" "The Reader" "Slumdog Millionaire"

BEST ACTRESS

Anne Hathaway; "Rachel Getting Married" , Angelina Jolie; "Changeling", Melissa Leo; "Frozen River", Meryl Streep; "Doubt", Kate Winslet; "The Reader"

BEST ACTOR Frank Langella; "Frost/Nixon", Sean Penn; "Milk", Brad Pitt; "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", Mickey Rourke; "The Wrestler", Richard Jenkins; "The Visitor"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS Amy Adams; "Doubt", Penelope Cruz; "Vicky Cristina Barcelona", Viola Davis; "Doubt", Taraji P. Henson; "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", Marisa Tomei; "The Wrestler"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR Josh Brolin; "Milk", Robert Downey Jr.; "Tropic Thunder", Philip Seymour Hoffman; "Doubt", Heath Ledger; "The Dark Knight", Michael Shannon; "Revolutionary Road"

BEST DIRECTOR Danny Boyle; "Slumdog Millionaire", Stephen Daldry; "The Reader", David Fincher; "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", Ron Howard; "Frost/Nixon", Gus Van Sant; "Milk"

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY Dustin Lance Black; "Milk", Courtney Hunt; "Frozen River", Mike Leigh; "Happy-Go-Lucky" Marttin McDonagh; "In Bruges", Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon; "WALL-E"

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Simon Beaufoy; "Slumdog Millionaire", David Hare; "The Reader", Peter Morgan; "Frost/Nixon", John Patrick Shanley; "Doubt", Eric Roth, Robin Swicord; "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM "The Baader-Meinhof Complex" (Germany), "The Class" (France), "Departures" (Japan), "Revanche" (Austria), "Waltz with Bashir" (Israel)

BEST ANIMATED FILM "Bolt", "Kung Fu Panda", "Wall-E"

BEST ART DIRECTION "Changeling", "The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button", "Dark Knight", "The Duchess", "Revolutionary Road"

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY "Changeling"; Tom Stern, "Slumdog Millionaire"; Anthony Dod Mantle, "The Reader"; Chris Menges, "The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button"; Claudio Miranda, "The Dark Knight"; Wally Pfister

BEST FILM EDITING "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"; Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, "The Dark Knight"; Lee Smith, "Frost/Nixon"; Daniel P. Hanley, Mike Hill, "Milk"; Elliot Graham, "Slumdog Millionaire"; Chris Dickens

BEST COSTUME DESIGN "Australia"; Catherine Martin,"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button"; Jacqueline West,"The Duchess"; Michael O'Conner, "Milk"; Danny Glicker, "Revolutionary Road"; Albert Wolsky

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE "The Betrayal (Nerakhoon)", "Encounters at the End of the World", "The Garden", "Man on Wire", "Trouble the Water"

BEST ORIGINAL SONG "Slumdog Millionaire", "Jai Ho," A.R. Rahman, "Slumdog Millionaire"; "O Saya", A.R. Rahman & M.I.A. "Wall-E," "Down To Earth," Peter Gabriel & Thomas Newman

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE "The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button," Alexandre Desplat, "Defiance," James Newton Howard, "Milk," Danny Elfman, "Slumdog Millionaire," A.R. Rahman", WALL-E," Thomas Newman

BEST MAKEUP "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," Colleen Callaghan, Fionagh Cush, "The Dark Knight," Peter Robb-King, John Caglione Jr. "Hellboy II: The Golden Army," Mike Elizalde, Thom Floutz

BEST SOUND EDITING "The Dark Knight"; Richard King, "Iron Man"; Frank Eulner, Christopher Boyes, "Slumdog Millionaire"; Tom Sayers, "Wall-E"; Ben Burtt, Matthew Wood "Wanted"; Wylie Stateman

[source]

Here are a couple of the photos I took of the inauguration from where I was in Times Square.

Here’s a video I just shot in Times Square looking up at the Fox News screen at the live broadcast of the inauguration of Barack Obama. There were about 5 screens in Times Square with several of the major networks showing their own version of what was going on but weirdly enough, Fox News was the only network to think of actually including subtitles on the screen as there was no sound.

Because of that, the whole of Times Square was weirdly and almost eerily quiet except for brief moments when people would cheer. I got one of those cheering moments on video above.

Barack Obama is looking good too. Not only is he a demi-god who clearly works out, he may very well have re-defined what it means to be a zeitgeist leaving Paris Hilton in the dust of cultural irrelevance. That's ANOTHER thing he's done. CHECK! Well, to be fair she left herself there a while ago but still - why not attribute that cultural triumph to President Obama? Everything else that represents progress seems to be as a result of him. People apparently booed when George W Bush was announced and Dick Cheney attended in a wheelchair. What an exit.

America has a black president.

Here’s Jeremy Piven on Good Morning America talking his way out of and yet, still into, the hole he is digging and filling regarding his recent quitting of David Mamet’s “Speed the Plow” on Broadway.

He talks his way around the whole idea that he could have somehow ingested enough mercury to get mercury poisoning which impaired his ability to continue working. Because he’s a coke hound and plays an aggressive manipulative agent on television people aren’t buying his

Mercury poisoning story right now so this is apparently damage control.
Celebrity damage control is almost always ridiculous. It’s sometimes necessary – as was the case with Queen Elizabeth around the time of Princess Diana because it became political – to go on TV and explain yourself but certainly not incessantly. If you’re going on TV and in the print media to argue about how you really aren’t lying then the trick is to avoid sounding desperate.
Piven sounds desperate.

Plus, I love how when a celebrity is acting like a freak they always have some disease no one else has – conveniently – so no massed understanding of the ailment can debunk their smoke screen. I mean, remember when Amy Winehouse had “impetigo”? Quick, no one will know what impetigo is! It'll buy us some time while we get her on some cipro and put her through some microdermabraision.

For the amount Jeremy Piven has gone on about this you’d think someone was accusing him of being gay. People who get accused of being gay never deal with the question well in the media. Actually, Chase Crawford doesn’t do too badly at it. Joy Behar asked if he and Ed Westwick were gay lovers and he rolled his eyes and fobbed the question off. He didn’t answer it but he certainly didn’t look like an earnest douche avoiding the question for what is billed as high brow political reasoning. Like Mika or Kevin Spacey or Anderson Cooper.

So, essentially, what I’m saying here is Jeremy Piven is to Mercury Toxicity as Mika was to Gay.

Yes, it is true that I could have just said that but I didn't and...here we are.

I was reading a couple of magazines recently and ended up paying attention to the subscription inserts they're always pummelling you with and realised that if I just paid for a subscription I wouldn't have to actually go and GET the magazine because it gets posted to you and also, you save like a million percent on magazines. As a result, I now get all these magazines every month and so, now I can write things about what's in them after I've gone through them. I mean, it sounds like the bleeding obvious but it's really surprising what you figure out when you really think about the small things. Like, just as an aside - it took me ten years or something to figure out that CC's, the packets of corn chips you can buy in Australia, were named CC's because it stands for fucking "Corn Chips".

But, better late than never.

So, to my genuine, unadulterated delight, one of my favourite non fiction writers, Rolling Stone contributor Matt Taibbi has not one but two pieces out at the moment. One is an omnivorous demolition job on New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman in the New York Press which is classic Taibbi acidic conversational language assault. I haven’t followed Thomas Friedman in a while so this utter distain for him is unfamiliar to me but it’s still worth a read if for no other reason than the graph he constructs that charts the correlation between the size of Valerie Bertinelli’s ass between 1985 and 2008 and Happiness.

The other is a fictionalized interview with George W Bush in Rolling Stone, written entirely by Taibbi where, apart from making Bush apologise, he delivers a stunning, laser sharp summation of the Bush administration in one hard paragraph.

If you go to Rolling Stone online they won’t give you the final paragraph so I’m going to graciously type it out right now:

Matt Taibbi: I think there are a lot of people who feel that way.
President Bush: Really, what do they want to say?
Do you really want to know?
Sure.
Ok, here it is. You’re the child of two emotionally absent aristocrats who denied you any kind of love and affection from an early age. You grew up resentful and lacking completely in natural gifts or curiosity and by early adulthood found yourself desperate to fulfill the expectations your parents by then mostly only had for you much more competent brother, Jeb. You failed every test you ever faced as a young man and were unable to hold any job at all until the age of 45 or so, at which time you decided to try to win some self respect by going into the family business. You were aided in this quest by a bunch of narrow-minded lackeys and holdovers from your father’s administration who every step fo the way manipulated your obvious Oedipal resentments to their advantage, enriching themselves and their friends. All you wanted was a pat on the back and a few accomplishments of your own to hang your hat on, but instead you’re about to spend the rest of eternity pondering your now official legacy as the worst and most pigheaded leader in the history of Western Democracy, a man who almost singe-handedly sank the mightiest nation on Earth by turning the presidency into a 50 trillion dollar therapy session that ended in two disastrous wars, a financial crisis that threatens the entire system of international capitalism, and a legacy of corruption on a scale not seen since the Borgias or maybe Nero.
That, Mr. President is what they’re thinking and not saying to you.

Jeez, I thought you were a music magazine.

[source] [source]

One of the best moments in the Golden Globes last night was Sacha Baron Cohen’s routine about the recession.

“Victoria Beckham hasn't eaten for days, he cracked, and Charlie Sheen has been forced to have sex without paying for it.
But he drew boos when he ripped on Madonna.
"Madonna has had to get rid of one of her personal assistants," Cohen said. "Our heart goes out to you, Guy Ritchie."

Was Madonna even there? Salma Hayek looked appalled which was appalling in itself. What the hell are they afraid of, exactly? I mean, apart from the physical threat of Madonna. If Madonna’s career has proven anything to us it’s that on the whole she isn’t an actor. At an awards ceremony for actors it would seem odd that people would be scared of offending her. Plus, when you consider that Baron Cohen was a favourite of Madonna’s for a while, maybe it was a personal joke between them. You know, like “hey, go out there and humiliate me and my husband…it’ll be great!”.

I do think that perhaps Baron Cohen was potentially in the same league as Rupert Everett when it comes to Madonna ie. One minute she loves him the next minute she hates him and he’s on the outer so maybe this was his way of getting back at her. In which case he should be commended because she can see through steel and breathes fire. Uncontrollably.

Suffice to say, amid the idealism and hope these awards ceremonies always bank themselves on fostering, it was good to see a little bit of acid to cut through the marshmallow. [source]