The Reluctant Whore

Here's my take on the Grammy's last night because the Huffington Post is reporting that the Jonas Brothers had some dubious fashion choices throughout the night of the Grammys and I really don’t think that was the case. I mean, maybe it was but the whole show was sort of inane and the Jonas Brothers fashion sense was hardly worth its own post.

For one thing, Hipster Jonas, the one with the floppy hair and v-neck, was really just a pork pie hat away from wearing the quintessential hipster outfit; pointed black shoes, skin tight black jeans, a v-neck t shirt and a black vest. I mean, all that was about was cornering one aesthetic angle of the youth market which he did fine.

Technically, I skimmed through the entire Grammy’s last night about half an hour after it started so I didn’t have to sit through the country music portion and Whitney Houston was clearly keeping it all together with some original strength cellotape. Most of what she said was fine but only in the way that most of what Sharon Stone says is essentially fine. Ok, what else…the tooth grindingly awful presentation by Dwayne Johnson was like eating glass and I was literally asking him out loud to leave the screen.

Hipster Jonas may well have figured out how to look like a hipster stereotype but the three brothers were hamming it up SO much while playing with Stevie Wonder I just didn’t buy even a second of their enthusiasm. The insanely pregnant MIA, who was, according to Kate Beckinsale, supposed to give birth that very day still managed to climb onto the stage and churn out a performance – no doubt because you really do have to take every single chance you get when it comes to show business even if that chance is a superfluous number featuring four gargantuan male rapper egos that drowned her out even though she maintained a team player stance throughout the entire number in her weird lady bug pregnancy outfit. I mean, it would have been outright demeaning if they hadn’t given her the last line. Why do people talk about how fucking great Kanye West is? I have never ever instinctively cared about his work.

Radiohead and the marching band that accompanied them were pretty amazing even if they were introduced by Gwyneth Paltrow wearing what was effectively a glittered belt and nothing else. Chris Martin is annoying even if he is pretty damned attractive and it seemed like Sir Paul MccCartney didn’t quite hit a few notes but whatever I mean, he’s Paul McCartney – something that was repeatedly brought up. Oh, look, it’s Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney, the massively famous star. Some people were ironic about him like Jack Black’s joke about how he’s a bassist to look out for. Fascinating! I suppose it was lucky Paul McCartney was there to be a default focal point for all the phoned in fake humility and selflessness. Also, I mean, maybe it got old because I’d just eaten a bowl of red jello with some whipped cream on it and I was suffering a sugar crash. Either that or the pending apocalypse.

What else? I walked off about five minutes to the end. [source]