The Reluctant Whore

Seeing as the Lohan family are totally together and essentially a living metaphor for emotionally balanced nuclear family perfection, it should come as no surprise that the children would speak out about what is going on in an attempt to really preserve the enriching environment they are currently growing up within.

The New York Post reports that even though Michael Lohan had made a legal request for Dina Lohan to have a drug test before she has contact with the children, he dropped it after the 13 year old sister of Lindsay Lohan said, "Daddy, I love you. I'll love you more if you'll drop that motion." He was making the case that everything the kids say and do is scripted by the mother and this seems like the clearest indication that his bizarre, delusional, show father mind is actually probably correct.

As if the kid has even heard of the word “motion” with respect to legal proceedings. It’s astounding that, apart from Lindsay, they actually still have three kids and that at least one of them hasn’t been found dead in a basement, soaked in urine and with rope burns on their wrists. But then, who knows, maybe they did have more than three.

But come now. Let’s try and repress the bad parts and really concentrate on the good. If we choose to look at it another way, say – in a way that abandons absolutely all reason, one question comes to mind and that question is: Could this actually be any more normal and clearly nurturing?

Hello Magazine has absolutely dropped the ball having not already come in to do a spectacular spread exemplifying the virtues of the Lohan family. It really writes itself; with pictures of Dina in diamonds and a chiffon gown and mules, leaning sort of painfully on a chaise lounge; smiling and with her head thrown back in laughter while the children play in the yard with some kind of inflatable ball and two small, harmless white dogs. Michael Lohan stands by the fireplace leaning next to an oil portrait of his great great grandfather while smoking a pipe and holding a rifle.
The word Lohan is still sort of a blur. Especially after last week’s minute by minute TMZ sponsored Lohanathon. [source]