Week #23 in Review

Just hours before Paris Hilton took herself off to jail, she sat in the audience of the MTV Movie Awards and calculatedly bore the brunt of a joke told by the host, Sarah Silverman, then she got in an SUV and turned herself into the jail in which she was meant to serve her sentence. With no Paris on the outside, the New York Post used a timely story of Paris’ lesser known brother, Barron being mugged in New York City, to segue again into speculation about what she was going to do while in jail but before the media had even felt the vague gap in subject matter for more than a day or two, she was let out – 20 days early – so that she could sit out the rest of her sentence under house arrest. She immediately ordered cupcakes. The reason for this sudden change in sentencing was officially cited as “health related”. County Superviser Mike Antovich ordered a court session to find out why this had happened and Paris was to attend court via telephone. Judge Sauer, the presiding judge on the case, however, demanded she attend court in person and sent a squad car to get her. She was handcuffed, put in a car, taken down to the courtroom where her original sentence of 45 days in jail was reinstated. She was dragged screaming from the courtroom.

Photos of Maggie Gyllenhall was photographed breast feeding her child in New York City prompting discussion about how sexual those images are allowed to be for people attracted to women, David Hasselhoff, upon exiting the court room from his divorce trial was greeted by cameras and so, in the absence of permission to talk about the case he immediately promoted his new television and book projects and it was revealed that, contrary to what she has been telling people, Dina Lohan was never a Radio City Music Hall Rockette and that she is vying for her own television show. No one was shocked at either piece of news.

Photos of Linday Lohan and Vanessa Minillo playing with knives in a quasi-sexual manner were published and consequently Western culture stopped to be shocked and appalled, ABC fired Isaiah Washington from “Grey’s Anatomy” for what they called “a pattern of problematic behavior”, Rob Lowe was playing golf in Iowa, he hit the ball and it flew into the air hitting a Goldfinch, the Iowa state bird mid-flight, and last thing Friday afternoon, just when it was assumed that no one was looking, General Peter Pace, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the primary military advisor to the President, left office. George Bush fell ill at the G8 summit and was seen drinking non-alcoholic beer.

A new world record was set in the field of hot dog eating when Joey Chestnut of Arizona ate 59 hot dogs in one sitting beating the previous record by 6 hot dogs, an 81 year old woman was admitted to hospital with animal bites leaving behind 120 rats among other animals, and a survey of British women revealed that more than half of them prefer chocolate to sex.

Over in China over a million Chinese high school students went to sit their exams to compete for a half a million fewer positions in Chinese universities than there are students, Chinese parents were found to be feeding their kids amphetamines to get them to work harder, on the anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre, an ad commemorating the mothers of the victims was accidentally placed in the China Evening news prompting panicked avoidance of discussion among all involved organizations and a few firings, a man who had been suffering from stomach pains started eating live rats and frogs and her reported the pain had gone away and villagers living near the Third Vegetable Exposition were not only ordered to attend the event but they were also officially ordered to clap enthusiastically to ensure a good impression be made on visiting businessmen.

Senators in Italy demanded that ice cream be added to the Senate cafeteria’s menu, a tsunami warning alarm accidentally went off in Indonesia causing initial widespread panic and then annoyance to the point that locals angrily dismantled that alarm system and Judge Ron L Pearson, the man who is suing a dry cleaners for 64 million dollars because they lost his pants lowered the amount he is asking for to 54 million dollars.

Dutch students figured out a way of making powdered alcohol so that when you add water it becomes a sweet lime flavored drink and were delighted because it is technically considered legal to sell to people under the legal drinking age in Holland, Spencer Tunick – again - photographed a lot of people naked in public; this time it was in Amsterdam and the event made the news and a Pakistani elephant named Suzi was angrily beating her keeper whenever meals were late.

In Vermont, the trial of a woman who made faces at a dog was abandoned when it was considered that usually the plaintiff can describe what it was like to be victimized but in this case it was a dog so that would be impossible, a man in a wheelchair somehow got his chair lodged into the front of a massive truck and was driven along the highway until the police pulled the truck driver over and a man in Poland who had been in a coma for 19 years finally woke up and said that present day Poland is prettier than what it was during Communism. After 19 years in a coma, he is active again.

“I wake up at 7am and I watch TV,” he said smiling slightly.

So, actually, Paris Hilton is going back to jail. The judge stepped in, cleared the media hype off the table with a swift full-arm gesture and has ruled that she isn’t allowed to convalesce in the palace; because interestingly enough, jail and Paris’ home are not the same thing. Look, I’m as surprised at that analysis as anyone else. Still, each to their own interpretation.
She apparently left the courtroom in tears screaming. Which is, of course, oddly gratifying news.
Someone in the equation was going to react. Either it was her screaming or the outraged public to react. The thing about this is, if she was let off then public outrage might actually have been dangerous. Obviously not to the extent of the Rodney King riots but there was legitimate public outrage at this and it seems like America was waking slightly.
Meanwhile, let’s look on the bright side. For her. She WILL now become a celebubeast after all. And she will eat us all. And enjoy it. And then want more. [source]

Also, reassuring us that they’re actually not completely spineless, ABC has fired Isaiah Washington from Grey’s Anatomy for what they have called “a pattern of problematic behavior”. Apparently, he was an asshole before he outted himself as a homophobe.

In the midst of Washington having to pay penance for calling T R Knight a “faggot” on the set of the show, he was given an award by the apparently culturally comatose NAACP but that doesn’t matter. No soup for you Isaiah Washington.

T R Knight was reported to have been given a massive pay increase in his renewed contract.

Compared to the amount of press the “faggot incident” got, the coverage of Washington’s firing is pretty meager. But then, that’s understandable to a certain extent. After all…there appears to be something else going on right now that is taking precedent. [source]

In less glamorous news but news that nonetheless has a direct impact on the fate of the nation, Peter Pace, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff – the primary military advisor to President Bush on the war in Iraq has resigned.

If there was a more obvious way of burying yet another blow to the White House - yet another top ranking official with a direct role in the war in Iraq abandoning ship – then it would be fascinating to see that play out.

Here, they’ve announced it on a Friday afternoon when everyone is checking out of their week AND they’ve announced it during the most inane Paris Hilton centric media circus since who knows when. TMZ even reported on it, ironically asking why Fox News was wasting time taking time out from the Paris story for this announcement.


General Peter Pace, just so we all remember, was the rancid asswipe who said:

"I believe that homosexual acts between individuals are immoral, and that we should not condone immoral acts."

So, the military is healthier for his absence.

With all these top ranking cronies on the way out it’s no wonder Bush was taken ill at the G8 summit and was seen falling off the wagon. Ok, so it was apparently non-alcoholic beer but is NOW the time to take weird risks like that with a history of alcoholism? [source]
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Today in Extraordinarily Odd

A guy in a wheelchair got stuck to the front of a truck and then the truck’s driver drove off and the wheelchair guy was still stuck so it was like a kind of involuntary roller coaster ride. The truck driver never knew the guy was there until he was pulled over by police. Ok, spectacle aside, how the fuck do you get your wheelchair stuck to the grill of a massive truck and how is it that no one saw this happening prior to the 50 mile and hour ride down the freeway. What? I need some pinkberry yoghurt. [source]


Italian Senators are DEMANDING that ice cream be included in their cafeteria because it is the stuff of innocent childhood joy and, it seems, they feel that lack childhood joy. You can just imagine an Italian senator standing up in the senate and singing an aria with subtitles beneath him that read the exact words from the letter senators sent to the Senate building’s administrators "The cafeteria is not supplied with ice cream," said the letter, published by Italian newspapers on Friday. "We think it would be useful if it were and we are certain that it can be interpreted as the desire of many." And then, dramatically, someone dies. Probably. [source]




Rather than allow students to simple hang out and relax during break time, Chinese schools have taken to providing them with dance steps that will allow them to feel like they’re progressing even when they’re not working. Because, you’re always working for the good of the state. Even sleep is good because it provides you with rest so you can work harder. State designed sleep that is. Anyway, parents in China are freaking out because they’re worried that the dances are going to promote romantic tinglings between adolescent students. Romance and sex are distractions. In China, relaxation can feasibly lead to rape but not for the reasons you ‘d think. [source]

The debate is pretty much one sided when it comes to Paris Hilton getting out of jail and being allowed to serve the rest of her time convalescing in her own palace.

People are horrified.

First she was allowed to stay home, then the L A Counter Supervisor Mike Antovich ordered a court session to find out why this was happening, because it reeks of corruption. Paris was going to stay at home and attend court by phone but now, it seems Antovich has ordered Paris to get her ass to court. So, she took a limo. Obviously.

Let's be fair for a second: there are a few people who like Paris and think she should get out early; namely Sheriff Baca, Dr. Sophy and the others who were won over by Paris’ zeitgeisty charm and of course the Hilton family. So what’s that like 12? 12 FOR her release. 5 billion AGAINST her release. There are so many question up in the air that remain unanswered though. What was the disease she had? Is she getting preferential treatment? Barron Hilton the brother. What does he think? Does he want to pose nude any time soon?

It seems like L.A. County Supervisor Mike Antonovich is playing the same role in the Paris Hilton scenario as Senate Judiciary Chairman Patrick J. Leahy played in the Alberto Gonzales hearings; He is the initial, outraged, energetically opposing voice of authority that seems to insist on transcending public apathy and bureaucratic corruption to well funded cronyism and the unfair special treatment of the rich and connected.

It’s fairly clear what has more than likely happened here; through a combination of the family pulling strings and paying off a star fucker doctor who sells endorsements for profits and association and Paris being the generic sex object of every average straight male in the universe, she’s managed flirt and to slip through the bars and get home. What the fuck did Baca expect to happen here? A hand job in return for freedom and no one would notice?
[source] [source]

Celebrity breast feeding in public could be seen as the refined “I live in Park Slope with my critically acclaimed actor boyfriend” version of the Paris Hilton sex tape and Britney Spears “getting out of a car” incident or the far more pedestrian Amanda Lepore championed “public identity clincher” breast baring.

(Anytime there might be a lull in the conversation Amanda will selflessly reveal her flawlessly crafted breasts – dinner parties, charity events. It’s a public service almost…)

Paris and Britney can flash gash for cash because it’s sort of expected of them as they’re corporate products who pander to the bottom line. Other people like Maggie Gyllenhaal are far too sophisticated for that. But who can pass up a bit of publicity? We never saw Michelle Williams out breast feeding and its unlikely the timid, innocuous Naomi Watts is that assertive.

Plus, breast feeding in public is a totally and utterly fool proof way of baring your breasts infront of people because any celebrity who gets photographed breastfeeding (whose photo is then plastered all over the universe) can quite reasonably argue that breastfeeding is a human reality, inoffensive and non-sexual.

Which is legitimately true.

So, you win and the media get shots of your breasts in public without you having to go through the unpleasantness of having people stare up your dress or download your mpeg file. In fact, breast feeding in public is win win for everyone involved. Especially the kid. [source]

Today in Extraordinarily Odd



In Vermont, the trail against woman who made faces at dog has been cancelled because even though the application for trial was put in and was legally going ahead as far as everyone was concerned, when you think about it, it’s a totally fucking stupid waste of motherfucking time to take a woman to court for making faces at a dog. "Most of the time (in harassment cases) people would come tell the court what it felt like. Dogs can't do that," Orange County State's Attorney Will Porter said. Gee, you don’t fucking say. Still, it’s good that they ended this swiftly. Unlike that whole 54 million dollar pants suit (HA!) in New York unpleasantness. What these petty lawsuit people appear to need is a good bowelling. [source]




The tsunami early warning alarm went off in Indonesia and everyone got so freaked out. It’s probably what would happen if a terrorist attack siren were to go off in New York City. Actually, no, it couldn’t possibly be that manic. Anyway, so it went off…people screamed. When they realized there was no tsunami, they got so angry they just dismantled the alarm. Because it’s better to live with an ocean of hair trigger screaming anxiety under the surface than to have a non-perfect alarm system when it comes to living in a place prone to natural disaster. That’ll learn that curs’d alarm. If it can’t work properly well, it’s out of a job. Ha! [source]




Rob Lowe was playing golf in Iowa and he hit a ball. No news there. The ball flies into the air, travels through the aforementioned air and smacks into a bird knocking it out of the sky. Sounds unbelievable but it’s true. But that’s not all. The bird happened to be the state bird of Iowa making it a total statewide cultural faux pas. It’s also a really great thing because he gets the publicity and animal rights people can complain but he’s totally blameless. Unless he’s a genius of unparalleled proportions who also hates birds that is…in that case, maybe he should run for president. [source]





On the anniversary of the massacre in Tiananmen Square that was sponsored and orchestrated by the Chinese government against its own people, a lowly clerk at China’s Chengdu Evening News who didn’t know anything about the massacre let an ad tribute to the mothers of the victims slip by and be published. What happens next? Nobody answers their phones at the Chinese newspaper or at Communist party headquarters. It’s like that horrifying silence at a dinner party where no one knows what to say and everyone realizes that everyone at the table is rancid. The kind that rates well on reality TV.[source]

A bit of an update: Paris isn’t actually completely free; she’s under house arrest for 40 days and the reason for her move is “health related” and could not be spoken about at the press conference just held to explain why Paris is no longer in jail.

It’s actually no surprise that Camp Paris seem to be taking tips on how to deal with the press and the public from the White House; they operate imperiously outside the law and the tell everyone about it but don’t give any more information than a few fleeting sentences. It’s not surprise because Paris and Bush seem to represent the same basic thing to the American people; Deferred responsibility and vicarious potential status aspiration.

Also, ok…it doesn’t matter how many times Los Angeles County Sheriff's Dept. spokesperson, Steve Whitmore says that 40 days house arrest is the same as 23 days in the clink for Paris-it still doesn't gel.

So, what? The extra 17 days were thrown in because house arrest is slightly easier? That evens it out? Let’s see.

Jail: Lesbian broom handle rape, cold showers, American cheese, bologna sandwiches, 24 hour neon light, screaming, cold and no sleep.

Home: 4000 sq ft of self indulgent palatial living include a full time staff, gym, internet, pool, sun, light, friends can come over, own bed, credit cards, Hilton fortune at own disposal, celebrity friends, massive wardrobe, house parties, slumber parties, pie, several types of pie, order in food, video games, marijuana, a full bar.

Need we continue?

[Source] [source]

With the New York Post reduced to using timely reports about Paris Hilton’s apparent brother to justify publishing copy about her, the that, as TMZ claims, Paris just got out of jail a mere 20 days early should induce a sigh of relief in at least the media.

The American people are another matter though. Half of the TV watching public the kind of stupid people who think that it’s unfair that Paris Hilton had to go to jail because of how much she does for America and they look up to her. The other half have felt vindicated because she actually finally had to pay attention to details and be accountable for her actions. Oddly enough though, part of the reason she is famous is because people like to live vicariously through her and the fact that she can afford NOT to pay attention. Regardless, all of a sudden people were happy about her being brought down a peg or two.

So, now that she’s had her sentence reduced twice for no apparent reason, is it too much to suggest that there could nay MUST be rioting in the streets? No. It most certainly is not.
Still, audiences can take comfort in the fact that sure, maybe Paris Hilton is out of jail, sure she will probably go back to her old partying ways with little to no regard for anyone or anything and yes, Paris Hilton is above the law because she has money and that proves that rich people are better than poor people. It’s not complex.

But…she’ll never get to write that diary that might have earned her a million bucks and lots of mindless attention (her diet of choice). Also, as jail was to be a cocoon within which she would become an all-powerful celebubeast, she will have to remain a regular celebutard and forego the powers of ultimate all-powerful celebrity. Those powers were within her grasp but she gave them up to get out early. Oh well. Back to more of the same. [source]

With no easy Paris fodder for daily consumption, apart from padded out, obsessive documentation by the good folks at TMZ.com, Page Six turns its glare to the brother of Paris Hilton, Barron Hilton.

Best line ever: “Barron, who is tall and blond and believed to be 18”

What, Elliot Mintz can confirm the color of Paris’ shit but he can’t confirm the age of her brother? Where does he live? In a remote village in Kenya?

Apparently, he was mugged at knife point and then some security guards chased away the muggers. But Barron was really only the vehicle through which the Post could talk about Paris again, recapping crap we already know; that there’s tell of a Paris in Jail diary, that Barbara Walters has been in contact and might do the first post jail interview with her. They even used a stock pic of Paris on the story that starts out with the Barron reference. Which really leads on to the next question, where are the nude photos of Paris’ brother?

They wrap up the piece by mentioning that Paris APPARENTLY has another brother, Conrad.
It’s astounding how much you can choose to remain in cognito. Paris and Conrad and Barron are all from the same family and while Paris losing her dog is international news, updated by the minute the two brothers are apparently teenagers.

We can’t possibly be sure.

Incidentally, why do rich frat cultured fuckwits call their kids Barron? Ok, so maybe only the Hiltons and Trumps do that but I mean, you know…there’s a minor point to be made here.

Is it a vain ploy to make it sound like they have an aristocrat in the family? Some Americans can be weird that way; on one hand you can actually find Americans who emphatically point out that they’re not under the Queen’s meaningless rule anymore in the same way they’ll high five each other by saying things like, “Yeah, that’s why we kicked your ass in Vietnam” to whoever they’re annoyed at but on the other hand, they’ll name their kids Countess or Baron or King or Queen. Maybe it’s that they sense an evolution towards Feudalism. [source]

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

An 81 year old woman in Los Angeles has been taken to hospital for animal bites leaving behind a zoo of pets in her apartment. That zoo includes 120 rats, 25 rabbits, a couple of birds and a dog. Maybe some of those animals, rats, we’re looking at you, weren’t pets so much as they were her unholy army of the night (in training) which in fact eventually turned on her and bit her. They had been secretly plotting and she was the Anti-Christ. Clearly. [source]





Dutch students have developed a use for powdered alcohol (who knew it existed either) which, when you add water to it, turns into a green alcoholic beverage with 3% alcohol. They’re excited because, due to a legal technicality, they can market it to kids under the legal age in Holland. Paederast rapists are excited too. Because of the legal technicalities. [source]



Roy L Pearson, the Judge who wanted 67 million dollars in damages from a dry cleaners because they lost his pants, is slowly coming around. Now he only wants $54 million for pants. It’s a slow process really; his continuing journey towards being a rational adult. If things continue the way they are then in a year he’ll be beating himself in the head with a plank for being such a ludicrous waste of space. For now, we play the waiting game.[source]

So, you’d think that with news that Dina Lohan was never a Rockette and nor did she ever perform on Broadway that people might say things like, “My my, how the Lohan plot thickens” but it’s not really thickening.

What we already basically knew is official; that the career she never had, the one that pushes her to push the Li Lo – she really literally never had it. The New York Post reports that a whole host of major theatrical organisations have no record of the career she claims to have had.

It’s always been a pretty thin consommé of a plot once you wash away the daily high impact, high corn syrup stories about how Lindsay was drunk in a truck stop toilet with her head in a toilet bowl. And sure, those stories are usually pretty good for stabbing away at the boredom but, the Dina Lohan part is playing out as would be expected. She’s a rancid show mother, she’s living through her daughter and will bleed the kid dry of life before she gives up on the career she never had.

Yes, we know.

Much like with Monica Lewinsky, Tom Cruise and Britney Spears the answer to being really engaging for Dina is to write a one person show where she just lays it all on the line. It should include all the stories of her pushy mother and distant, abusive father, the long hours slaving over the family…what? Tannery!

And then her job handing out slabs of pie in the Diner along the freeway in the Arizona desert or some other cultural wasteland (HA! Diner Dina!), the time a john took her to Vegas where she first gots her a taste of the finer things. All she wanted was her parent’s love! Then they died and she never got on stage cause that lousy talent agent took her 200 dollars. God, it writes itself. There wouldn’t be a dry seat in the house. Because of the nausea. [source]

Oh, what a desperately pathetic surprise! Fresh from his court case, David Hasselhoff couldn’t use the time to divulge info on his divorce so he used media attention over his divorce and, ultimately, the age old “heartbreaking” and “heartwrenching” tape of him drunk on the floor to publicize his book and TV show.

But, it’s sort of stupid to get all astounded at his audacity at his point when the whole drunk tape thing was so obviously deliberate. So, when you think about it, he’s ridden the wave from drunk video, divorce scandal and then now court case to promotion of book and TV. It’s a rough road to anything at all when you’re the Hoff.[source]

Today in Extraordinarily Odd



Its exam time in China which means that suicide rates are about to sky rocket when nearly half a million kids don’t get into college. As a result, reports have surfaced that parents in China are busily sourcing amphetamines to feed their kids so they’ll study harder. Because what’s a little drug abuse and sleep deprivation followed by dehydration, exhaustion and disrupted serotonin levels in the face of academic failure. Plus, you know that even if they fail, it’s still not even really failure compared to US standards. China is one big national incarnation of a show mother – an academic Dina Lohan if you will. [source]




Good old China. It’s really hard to know where to start with this one. In order to impress visiting businessmen, local officials not only ordered people to sit in the audience of the Third Vegetable Exposition (which is baffling in itself, after all – who wouldn’t have dropped their newborn child and raced out of the house to buy tickets at any cost to something with that name? And you know that the third time round, they’ve really worked out the kinks and this one was rumoured to be EVEN MORE fascinating than the first and second) they’ve also ORDERED audience members to clap and cheer. This is like part 6 in China’s campaign to be “involved” in the “rest of the world” where they act like an awkward corporate executive attempting to have a relationship with his newly located 4 year old daughter. That's in addition to being one big national incarnation of a show mother. [source]



A man in China who had stomach aches has taken to eating live frogs, rats and mice and he says that after a month the pain has gone away. Not necessarily so. Isn’t it far more likely that the damage in his stomach is still there, it’s just that the actual pain receptors, the very components of his body that indicate to the brain that there is something wrong in an area, have become disillusioned with their role in such an inane man’s body that they have packed up and left to seek alternate work. Sometimes, waiting it out just isn’t worth it. [source]




A recent study has shown that the majority of British women (52%) prefer a block of chocolate to actual sex. Is that entirely unexpected? Faced with the rotting teeth, awkward bare knees, pasty skin and culture based on a thousand years of complaining in between multiple tea breaks, chocolate WOULD provide a welcome relief faster than having to actually come in close proximity to three of the four previously mentioned cultural certainties of Britain. [source]

Ok, so the News of the World ran some photos of Lindsay Lohan holding a knife up to her own throat in a kitchen and when they did, of course, the headline screamed that she was “crazed” and that the game was “chilling”. Am I the only one who thinks they actually aren’t that “crazed” and “chilling” at all? It’s clear that she’s just messing around in front of a camera, posing and pretending to be in some kind of b-list schlock film.

Who hasn’t done that?

Anyway, so she was posing with someone else who wasn’t really the focus of any attention at all until days later (ie. today) when the New York Post ran a piece explaining that the other person had been confirmed to be Vanessa Minillo, the sometimes reporter for Entertainment Tonight and apparent girlfriend of Nick Lachey.

It’s not like she was wearing a freaking burka, my GOD, it’s clearly her. Who needed to wait for freaking confirmation? This is SUCH a non-story anyway let alone the fact that we’re now reading in the news that it was just “confirmed” that Vanessa Minillo is in the photos. Wow, thanks for keeping on top of the story, New York Post. You really came through for us on a serious story.

Here are those shots, by the way, just so you can see how utterly obvious and non-issue they are. Because that’s the only reason I’m running them. Not because I’m jumping on the bandwagon or anything. Certainly not.

Meanwhile, let’s be fair. The bulk of the article in the New York Post was about how rancid and star fuckerish Minillo actually is and how she demanded everything and delivered more or less nothing on a recent trip to cover the Grammys. That part of the story more or less balances it out because there’s nothing better than a demanding diva story, especially when the diva ends up unemployed. All up, everything considered we’re about even at zero. And what, pray tell, can we do with zero. Fuck you New York Post and fuck Vanessa Minillo for not being fucking interesting or famous enough. [source] [source]

Dina Lohan, the self described “White Oprah” is vying for her own TV show now, more openly than ever before and the horrifying truth is, who on earth is at ALL surprised? What exactly happened to the Lohan parents early on in life or perhaps, if you’re Hindu, in a previous life, that has made the two of them so utterly hell bent on blindly bleeding their daughter dry.

The kid’s half dead right now and the mother is still flogging it to get that last drop of vicarious experience out. Talk about “Everything’s Coming Up Roses”.

Wait, just back to that whole “White Oprah” thing; you know the only kind of people who say things as delusional as “Yeah, I’m the White Oprah” are those rancid white trash truck stop skanks who are loud, nasally and demanding and have beaten down passive husbands. They’ve got a group of gal pals most of whom are silent and frightened.

Not the fascinatingly complex and grand rich ones who operate on a more psychological level and who demonstrate restraint. No, not them. Dina Lohan is one of the rancid common ones who watch reality TV while eating Domino’s Pizza, remain heavily made up all day and insist on wearing pastel coloured skin tight t shirts and leggings because despite the fact that their diets are entirely composed of comfort food made on an assembly line, in their minds it’s entirely possible that they’re as thin as Jennifer Aniston.

Plus, they have to have lots of jewelry. Like, cheap shit rings that are packed with colored cut glass on every finger. Plus, they relentlessly chew gum and talk while chewing but it’s a really obvious chew/talk type mouth movement.

The other thing that’s so nauseating about Dina Lohan is that you know she’s been whoring that tired old leathery cooch out to any pony tailed, smooth talking 80s styled “producer” who promises her a chance at the career her desperate lack of talent prevented her from having.

Mother of the Year.

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Is it really “news” when what’s being reported is just the spectacle surrounding art by an artist who designed the project more or less to get media attention? Spencer Tunick is photographing lots of naked people outside in Amsterdam and it’s the same basic thing that happened in Mexico City recently. And in a host of places elsewhere; people got naked, he took the photograph. The images might be breathtaking but isn’t it just more of the same news when it comes to Spencer Tunick? Or maybe its designed as a feel-good piece that they’ll throw in at the end of the nightly news – just to leave people feeling less bleak. [source]


A Pakistani elephant named Suzi has taken to violently beating her keeper when meals are late indicating that Suzi herself may very well be the elephant reincarnation of one of those stately matrons from polite English society who had a flock of servants and lived in a manor house. The kind who would sit in a big chair with a walking stick held proudly out in front of them and would be stern with the grandchildren. Beating the staff in those days was the only way to ensure value for the money you paid for them. [source]

A man in Poland who has been in a coma for 19 years finally awoke looked around and said that Poland, post communism, is much prettier. Incidentally, if he had woken up from a coma after 19 years in the US he would have probably died instantly anyway when he looked at how much it would cost him. Now that he can move and talk what does he do? "I wake up at 7 a.m. and I watch TV," he said, smiling slightly. [source]


59 hot dogs eaten were just inhaled by Joey Chestnut in one sitting(now there’s a winner’s name you could base a short lived religion on), of Arizona. Joey broke the world record set by Takeru Kobayashi who ate 53. Not surprisingly, Arizona is one of the less dense states in the union and it has plenty of desert and maybe even a few UFO sightings to set the cultural tone. It’s no wonder young Joey was able to shove 59 nitrate laden hog anus into his gullet. What the hell else would he do with his time? [source]